Where is God?

I can’t feel God. I can’t see God working in my life. Despite all the evidences I’ve researched and put my trust in them, I feel like I’m praying to the air. What am I supposed to do? Should I forsake God? Is God not wanting to work in me? What’s happening? I might just leave if there’s no relationship with God.

Dumping thoughts – Habits, Exercise, Realisations

Boredom- Its not good to stare at my phone and browse through a lot of videos or tweets. I get so bored and frustrated sometimes. However, being out there to explore new places, volunteer for a cause or attend church meetings does lighten up my mood and make me regain a will to live. I do enjoy learning new things and new perspectives so I thought maybe it would be good to make that my hobby, to listen to podcasts, read books more and watch movies/documentaries while penning down my thoughts or questions to learn about myself and the world.

How to have healthy eating habits- Its quite easy for me to start overeating and feel terrible about it. Today I have weighed in the heaviest in my life. This did scare me a bit but I realised its because of all the chocolate bars at home, the snacks we bought because of New Year. To avoid these, I should 1. Not buy them at all or 2. if someone else bought them, buy low calorie alternative snacks like fruits/drink lots of water, or 3. distract myself with learning until I have no desire to eat my boredom away. I probably eat because of boredom which is not good, need to start cutting back portion sizes, choose lower calorie alternatives even if I am too lazy to cook anything.

How to start exercising- I have tried regimented youtube fitness videos. They are certainly not enjoyable to me and I do not do them often at all. Same goes for running. I hate it. I came across a video by Greg Doucette, he talked about how everyone has their likes and dislikes. What may work for someone may not work for another. However, I do like walking. I can walk for long hours without wanting to go home. It can be done in a park or at a mall. The thing is, I should change destinations when I do get bored of walking aha. Besides that, I enjoy using the dumbbells and resistance bands, doing 10 reps each for some exercises. Although they might not be much, its much better than doing nothing.

Procrastination- I have curbed procrastination by starting on my assignments early. I have let go of the notions that I must finish everything within a day. Instead, saying you can write just one paragraph for today, led me to finishing my essays on time. That is awesome. I should apply this to other areas in my life.

How to sleep better- I need to sleep early, way before 12am if I do not want to be tired.

How to have less curly hair- Do not sleep with wet hair.

Motivation for money- So I can take care of myself and family, have spare money to pursue my hobbies and to help others.

Upcoming internship and career thoughts/my strengths

I got an interview for a programming job. Wonder if I will get it.

Studying is easy if I put myself in the right environment: people who are studying or the library. Never study at home, I end up sleeping or using my phone.

Still looking for: Reasons to work hard


I came to know God this year and it was quite a journey. I was put in a community of people and the whole faith really gave me a purpose, something to look forward to every day as I enjoy asking questions and getting answers. I did get burnt out though and I hope to see God continuously working in my life to become a good testimony for him.

Strengths and weaknesses

I have been told that I’m good at simplifying concepts, explaining and bringing groups back to the main focus and that my spiritual gift is in empathy.

I’m not so good at doing things with opinionated people, doing things alone and working in a very stressful environment. I do need encouragement, support and do value working in a hands on manner.

Financial thoughts

For us Christians, we learn to be contented with God. What does that mean for us? Are we contented with shelter, food, water etc? But what if these things are removed from our lives, can we be contented with God only? This is very tough to answer.

Anyways, poverty is quite scary. However I should cast my worries to God and know that he will provide for me if I ask for it. I should work hard so as not to be a burden to others and be financially independent to gain the ability to help others in need.

I’ve definitely made a lot of mistakes this year. Putting trust in the store staff when asking for recommendations but the earphone turned out to be of bad quality even though it was expensive. I should trust reviews more. Trying out mystery boxes is also another bad idea. I should stop spending it on things that I know won’t be used for a long time.

I did have part time job anxiety and have broken down in tears before as I was too much of a perfectionist and did not allow room for mistakes. But I have learnt to breathe in regular breaths 5 seconds in and out which regulates our heartbeat and syncs our heart and mind so it’s easier for us to think and react well in a calm mind.

Health and Beauty Realizations

(Teeth Care) I was having tooth ache and removed both my wisdom teeth… Luckily the dentist was good so it was painless. I also had a lot of black stuff on my teeth which I was worried about, luckily they turned out to be merely stains. However it was still worrying when I had to do 2 fillings because I did not brush till the back of my teeth which caused decay… Have to be more cautious next time. Also I didn’t know getting our teeth cleaned was going to be that painful. I need to floss more often tsk.

(Ear Wax) I thought I was going deaf when I couldn’t hear but turns out I dug my ear too much that the ear wax got stuck inside. Had to put some droplets of solution daily and spray water in my ear to get rid of it ah… Must stop digging.

(Eyesight) I don’t know why my eyesight got so bad recently. Spent too little time outdoors I guess so my eyeball became longer? Who knows. Anyways wearing spectacles is a bit burdensome. Should get out more often.

(Sleep) Dang. I really cannot go beyond 12am. Actually 10pm would be the best. I get comments about me looking tired so I really need to buck up on my consistency to sleep earlier daily.

(Exercise) I did not know how weak I was until I found out about the muscles I had after doing a fitness test. It was shockingly below average for my arms but average for legs and abs. If I don’t take care of myself, how can I serve other people?

(Eating habits) I really need a lot more fibre in my diet lol. Also, my cheeks and thighs seem to get filled up easily. I want to keep myself at average weight and look good for confidence is quite important.

Im Back

Hey, I am back. I started this blog back when I was 14 but I am 18 now. Much time has passed and I have changed a lot. As I read through the previous posts I had, I could see how authentic/influenced I was by the things I watched.

Photo by Markus Spiske on Pexels.com

In the next few blog posts, updates on my views of life and certain events/actions that have changed me will be posted so as to keep a memory of my current thoughts for my future self.


Honest thoughts on my previous posts

After looking at my previous posts, i realize that I was just a mouthpiece for other people’s thoughts that I’ve read online. I don’t want to be that kind of person anymore. I’ll start to include my personal thoughts and experience much more often , that is more interesting eh?

My journey- Passion


I am training my self discipline now since it is school holidays, free of distractions,stress and anxiety. Self discipline allows me to break free from being a slave to my old habits. Habits like mindlessly watching youtube videos. Lying on the bed doing absolutely nothing. Consuming content instead of creating content. It is time to change my life. These habits will be of no good to my life. I am working out every single day, targeting different muscle groups daily. I am going to study to make myself smarter, maybe even find out that I am passionate for one of the subjects. Baby steps. Life is a marathon, not a sprint.